If (with apologies to Rudyard Kipling)

If you can turn a profit when the others
are losing their's and don't know what to do.
If you won't hesitate to sell your mother,
and maybe to throw in your sister too.

If you can drink all night and not get plastered
or dine with customers that you just hate,
and not let on that they're all total bastards
('til after you have screwed them on the rate).

If you can meet with brokers or with vendors
and tell them that they'll make a pile of loot,
when all the time you've only one agenda,
to make them pay for drugs and prostitutes.

If you cock up by going long on Cable,
when everyone says Sterling's going to fail,
and know that you are going to be able
to blame it on IT if you should bail.

If you can whinge when you receive a bonus
that buys you an apartment in the Cays,
complaining over Bolly with your cronies
that Labour's brought the country to its knees.

If you find words a bit too complicated,
if you communicate in grunting sounds,
if you think evolution's over rated
and when you walk your knuckles scrape the ground.

If you spend all the time you should be working
surfing the web or talking about sex,
if you could teach a MasterClass in shirking
the chances are that you trade Spot FX