The IT Magnate's song

When I was a lad I had no pals
And my fear of girls was simply pathological
I sat at home feeling quite forlorn
And I polished up my knob while watching Cyberporn
(Yes he polished up his knob while watching Cyberporn)
I polished that knob assiduously
And soon became an expert in Adult IT
(Yes he polished that knob assiduously,
And soon became an expert in Adult IT)

I reached the age where I had to work
And gained employment as an office clerk.
I filed and labelled the important docs
And I stuffed a lot of letters in the letter box.
(Yes he stuffed a lot of letters in the letter box)
I stuffed that box so frequently
That my head got stuffed with ideas for Adult IT
(yes he stuffed that box so frequently
That his head got stuffed with ideas for adult IT)

So I started in the business of sending out spam
From adverts for Viagra to Nigerian scams
I handled the spread of dodgy of Malware blockers
And girls who want to meet you (with amazing knockers)
(Girls who want to meet you, with amazing knockers)
I handled those knockers so skilfully
That I soon became successful in Adult IT
(Yes, he handled those knockers so skilfully
That he soon became successful in Adult IT)

Of Global distribution I became a master,
However fast you sent it, I would send it faster,
I’d broaden bands and I‘d cut down hits
And manipulate the status of the parity bits
(He’d manipulate the status of the parity bits)
I handled my bits so adeptly
That I became the Global leader in Adult IT
(He handled his bits so adeptly
That he became the Global leader in Adult IT)

I thought myself smart, and so astute,
But now it seems I’m nothing but a prostitute.
For my latency skills have opened a door,
And, passing through, I turned into a corporate whore
(Yes, passing through he turned into a corporate whore)
For all of my principles abandoned me
And I took a position in FX IT
(Oh he’s as evil as he can be,
For he took a position in FX IT)

Come all you dabblers in CyberPorn
And stay in the profession for which you were born
Focus all your skills on harmless wankers
And never get involved with the investment bankers
(No, never get involved with the investment bankers)
You’ll be as happy as a man can be
In the noble, upright calling of Adult IT
(Yes, you’ll be as happy as a man can be
In the noble, upright calling of Adult IT)